Mike Saperstein has written and performed numerous wedding toasts/roasts/songs over the years, honoring his friends. Many are documented here. I am attempting to recover more, and will add them as I find them.
Eric and Lisa Lowrey wedding
Lisa we're so glad that you see Eric as 'the one'
'Cause for Eric, frankly, many thought this day would never come.
So I wanna share some stuff about him that you may not know about
Since now that you're really married, it's too late -- you can't back out!!
There's tons that I could tell you; it's hard to keep it brief.
I'll start with his nicknames: Zinjan, Zin, Z, Crazy Legs, and Chief.
We've been friends for over 30 years, so I know a fair amount
He has more uncles, aunts, and cousins than I can even count!
He played football back in high school, of which he's really proud.
He loves to see his long-time friends: Hammer, Mike, and Rowd.
He's the most die-hard Patriots fan I know, and he also loves BC.
He's a banker, and a minister, and his dancing's a sight to see!
And while he always had lots of female friends, his single status was set in stone.
Even at our High School Prom -- we found dates, but Z went alone.
And though he never could find his 'perfect mate', it didn't frazzle Zin.
Heck, in Ham's 'contest' for who would get married last, he picked up the easy win!
Now Zin has many signature "catch phrases" that show his spirit and his style.
And every time I hear one, I'm guaranteed to smile!
Some are funny, some are loud, but none are "just routine".
I'll share some now with all of you, and explain just what they mean:
"And THERE it IS!" means he's all psyched up for something that's gonna be great!
"Tonight we're going out HARD!" means he'll probably be asleep by half past 8.
"DARE-ry Queen!" or "Baskin and Robbins!" means he's stopping at an ice cream store."
"That's where I was born!", "We're GOING", "Orange Bowl", "Denny's!" and many many more...
"No-oh-oh" and "Yeh-eh-es" means he's lying - but trying to be funny.
"You're HOR-RI-BLE" means a Jai Alai player just missed a ball and cost Zin money.
"Oh my GOSH!" means he just got free food, free ber, or similar things.
"Uh, I was never given them", as best man at my wedding, means that Zin forgot the rings.
"Yaah!" means something great just happened - like winning football tickets as a contest prize.
"I'm HUN-gry" means he's inhaling two full racks of ribs - each with double fries.
"It's a GREAT day (for a football game)!" means it's game day in the fall.
And "If you had another eye you'd be a cyclops!" means a ref just missed a call.
"Geeeeeez" means relaxing in the Florida pool, with no need for more words to be spoken.
And in golf, "SHOOT!" means ANOTHER Z wild shot - and another window broken.
"But Mis-ter off-fi-sir..." means Z was driving fast (when he needed to go faster).
And if we're 5 minutes late to a Happy Hour: "This is a dis-AS-ter!".
Yes, he's always there with a smile and laugh to make your spirits soar!
A selfless man who'se saved me from roaches, spiders, and bugs galore!
But through it all he was still single - and no matter who he'd meet or see,
It seemed like there wasn't a woman out there who would be the one for Z!
But then came a rainy Red Sox game and suddenly things changed.
He called me about this 'perfect Lisa'. Boy, was he acting strange!
"She's smart!", "She's kind!", "She's fun!", "She's sweeter than a lollipop!"
"She works with kids!", "She's beautiful!" - I thought he'd never stop!
And Lisa I knew that he's be yours forever, if you would just be his...
Cause no matter what he actually said, what I heard was "And THERE she is!"
And Lisa it was super-clear to me that his love was strong and true!
His happiest day WAS when the Pats took the Super Bowl - until that day when he met you!
And I hope you know you're getting the 'prototype' Best Friend.
Though from a diferent mother he's my brother to the end!
And the most incredible part of that, is this guarantee I bring:
That every one of his friends and relatives would say the exact same thing!
So Lisa on this happy day I hope you're glad to see
That you're not only getting Eric - you're also getting all of them, and me!
So now let's toast today's events - to quote Z: "It's a GREAT day!"
We wish you love, happiness, and all the best in every way!
Chris and Lisa Bove wedding
The Ballad of "The Contest"
Lisa you've won Chris' heart; that couldn't be more clear...
But before tonight goes on, there's some stuff I want to share
I met Chris in grade school - and that was many years ago
We've been friends since then; and I wanna leak some stuff only I know...
Chris once played King Midas in a play, and even wore a crown!
Chris once was called "The Jolly Jokester", his title as class clown.
He's a Latin Scholar, bassist, and likes steaks that are rare and red
He once got conked by a flying golf ball and got a huge lump on his head!
In High School he would study hard, but always found time for fun
He'd sneak his Dad's beer out the cellar window - before we were 21!
He graduated Belmont Hill, then Tufts, and then Cornell
He can quote not only Shakespeare, but all Simpsons shows as well!
He's a superstar at Raytheon and Rush is his favorite band.
He supports the Red Sox and is a diehard Boston Bruins fan.
Now so far all that I've told you are brief glimpses of Chris' glory...
But now I'm gonna tell you a longer, much jucier story!
See Chris loves competition, and he especially loves to win!
And through our lives he's taken on all of us - Michael, Rowd, me, Zin...
We'd battle in golf, or video games, or hoops, or whiffle ball...
But Chris got more and more obsessed - he had to win them all!
Now this is a poor attitude - that part is understood
But worst of all, at contests: Chris is not so good!
In hockey Rowd would take him, 'cause Rowd can really skate
In baseball Chris was decent, but Michael was always great!
And big and strong Zin dominated every contact sport
(Once in basketball making Chris so mad that he heaved Zin across the court!)
And video games were always mine - heck, they're the life I lead!
Chris needed to find the contest that he KNEW he'd win - guaranteed!
There had to be something he couldn't lose - but what it was he couldn't see...
He thought...then FLASH, it came to him - he knew what it would be!
So Chris explained the rules to all and thus it came to pass
That the winner of <quote> "The Contest" would be the one who married last!
Chris knew there's never be a woman for which he'd ever fall...
Not Mrs. Wilmer from 9th grade or ladies in clubs in Montreal...
Not even the girls from AOPi who had him autograph their chests.
No, he'd never find his "Miss Perfect" - this contest was the best!
And as time passed, quite steadily, his competition fell...
First Michael, then the Rowd, then finally Saperstein as well!
And of course as each of us got hitched, Chris' confidence quietly grew
What had been five competitors was now down to the "Final 2"!
Now sensing victory was near, and playing us all for fools
Chris did something that he's good at - he decided to change the rules!
Being the good sports that we all are, we considered Chriss' plan
That the losers pay the winner: a thousand bucks a man!
It became an epic battle between these two good friends...
No hope for Zin, no hope for Chris - how would it ever end ?
Then something strange and wonderful struck Chris with awesome power
The source of this phenomenon ? The amazing Lisa Bauer!
Chris immediately liked her; incredibly, she liked him as well.
Suddenly every time we looked at him Chris was glued to AOL.
Her smile melted Chris' heart; he was taken with her charm...
Before too long the two of them were always arm in arm!
Soon Lisa moved to Boston, and things got better yet!
They became the ideal couple, with a kitty as their pet.
Lisa was clearly Chris' "Miss Perfect", so Chris took center stage
And he proposed and she accepted - they were officially engaged!
Lisa we're so happy that you found him, and that you love him too
Chris told me his heart skipped a beat the day he first met you!
We're all so thrilled to be here to attend the wedding bash!
And Chris: When it's all over, you owe Zin a thousand cash!
Lisa: Because of you he's blissfully happy even though he didn't win
And now the pressure turns to all of us to find a bride for Zin!
Let's raise our glasses for a toast, to Lisa and Chris together:
That the love you share this day brings lives of happiness forever!
Keith and Nina Loud Wedding Rehearsal Dinner
Stories About Keith
Now I've known Keith since our high school days and there's plenty that I've seen.
I've spent time with his Mom and Dad and Kelly and Christine.
And I remember lots of things he wishes no-one knew;
And now, before you're married yet, I'll reveal some to you!!!
And they're all true...
In high school Keith was extremely shy and clean cut in every way.
And a teacher named him "Rowdy", which we still call him today.
And then he went to college, and academically did very well;
But it was about this time that he started coming out of his shell...
He'd visit me at my fraternity, and was part of many wild nights.
And we took him places like Atlantic City - Chris would show him all the "sights"
He and Christian threw parties on the beach where we'd disturb the peace,
And he once built a massive bonfire - and got in trouble with the police!
He worked with our band as the manager and ran the drum machine.
He stood in back, wearing real dark clothes, and did his best to not be seen.
But one time Rowd got all fired up, and how this happened I'll never know:
He grabbed center stage and sang along, and the crowd gave him a standing 'o'!!!
Now Rowd also loves hockey and once a week we used to play.
But one time a girl wanted in the game, and my macho friends all said "No way!"
But as a staunch defender of equal rights, "She can play!!" commanded Keith.
And the pucked was dropped, and he checked her - hard - and he knocked out her two front teeth!!!
His appetite's so large that in an eating contest he's the winner.
One time he ate a five scoop sundae - and then took me out to dinner!
He once tried to help a skater who'd fallen through ice that was too thin,
But instead of pulling the skater out, the skater pulled Rowd in!!
He loves hanging out at Disney World with Mickey or with Goofy.
When he taught at Moses Brown he had two thirteen-year-old groupies!!
And he loves athletic training, it's a mystery to me...
The favorite day of his life was when he taped Bobby Orr's bad knee.
Now I hope you've learned a lot from all the stories that I've told.
But remember, underneath it all, Keith has a heart of gold.
And seriously, for all this stuff, I hope you can forgive him,
'Cause we're all much the better for having had so many good times with him.
Mike and Judy Bongiorno Wedding Rehearsal Dinner
Now once upon a time there was a blessing of much beauty
When Ed and Mamie had a baby and they named her Judy
She grew up in a house with loving sisters there to guide her
And always had true friends like Pam and Deb and Rick beside her.
And then she went to Tufts where I would often go to visit
And she would say, "I need to find a great guy, but who is it???"
So we would strain and rack our brains, as I hit on her roommates,
And she'd complain after going, in vain, on numerous underwhelming dates.
Now Jude wanted perfection and she wouldn't settle for less
She wanted someone smart who wouldn't panic in her times of stress
With strong physical attributes, his build a sight to see!
Athletic enough to dunk a ball - even if he would have an injured knee.
She knew that she could win his heart once she could wine and dine him...
But could a man like this exist and would she ever find him???
But all at Dartmouth and at Harvard and at Hale and Doerr know
There was just such a gangly guy, and he's knows as Mike Bongiorno!!!!!
Having made it through Lynn English, Mike possessed both book and street smarts
But through his young, productive life he hadn't found the perfect sweethheart.
He hung with guys like Vince and Henshke, always watching sports on TV
And also had his life enriched by going to wrestling shows with me.
A lover of Italian food, he'd often frequent the North End
And in the Revere Summer league he'd caused many a rim to bend!!!
Then one day while I sat and watched his team fall in defeat
It dawned on me that someday soon the two of them should meet!!!
It was a cold November night when this all came to pass
I hung with Ham and we went to a party down on Boston Ave.
It was a wild evening, one of passion, rage, and fury
Which featured Mike and Jude, and Rick, Deb, Laura, and Dave Lurie.
And Michael acted nonchalant once I made sure he'd met her
And Jude said, quote, "I like him but I think I like your friend Rowd better!!!"
But it was just a smokescreen so I wouldn't be a bother
The two of them, my two good friends, had finally found each other.
Which brings me to this weekend and the wedding soon to come...
I'm glad Mike's getting married and I'm really glad that Jude's the one...
They're a couple for the ages with a bulldog as a pet!!
A Mark Antony and Cleopatra, or Romeo and Juliet.
But I think they can surpass them all now that they're to be wedded...
And whether I deserve it or not, I take all the credit!!!
So now let's toast: "With all our hearts to you Michael and Judy.
We wish you endless happiness, and life filled with much beauty."
Julie and Adrian Passadore Wedding
(Presented by Su)
I'm here to tell a story about Julie, my best friend
Who had a happy childhood, with guidance from Judy and Glenn.
She grew up in Pacifica, and thus lived near the sea
And spent much time while growing up with her friend Su -- that's me!!
As little girls we took tap dancing -- we'd do what young girls do
We'd laugh at films like "Spies Like Us", "Vacation", and "Grease 2".
Julie loved when we went camping -- playing cards or singing songs
As a teen she went to Terra Nova, then she started work at Long's!!
We'd play outside and inside too, depending on the weather
And we would dream that someday we would own a boat together.
In summer time I'd visit her, at her Gram and Gramps.
We'd play Yahtzee, Clue, and Boggle -- at that she is a champ!!
We'd sometimes share a river-ride with inner tubes for rafts.
I'd marvel at her excellence at any type of crafts!!
We'd water ski, play Lady Bug, or babysit her brothers
And when we both were older, our roommates were each other!!
And she let go the dream that she would grow up a tap dancer
But still she held on that someday her dream man would come romance her.
And while the rest of us were skeptical, she was somehow sure
That before too long this person would come bursting through her door!!
This "dream man" would be studly, with looks beyond compare
A tough guy with a growl, yet a cuddly teddy bear.
A dapper man of dress who always strode with great effect
With brains like Albert Einstein, who could serve her and protect...
Somebody who could be there for her every Halloween
(When she would dress as Pippy, or Grumpy old Maxine).
A man who could really care for someone who was young and pretty
Who would be able to visit her while working in South City
A man of many talents, mighty with both sword and pen!!
With grace like Fred Astaire, yet strength of fifteen hundred men!!!
Then one day -- FLASH!!! -- this man appeared, in power and in glory!!
"Who are you ?" and he answered her: "The Mighty Passadore!!!!!"
He qualified in every way as her ideal man!
(And thusly she could overlook his being a Raiders fan.)
He did good deeds aplenty; he saved a boy down by the river...
And anything else Julie could ask, he surely would deliver!!
The legend spread about this man who Julie thought was great:
He'd take her gambling in Vegas, or to concerts like George Strait,
Or all the way to Disneyland where she could act just like a kid!
Why anything she'd ask of him, this Passadore did!!!!
And let me now point out that he was taken with HER charms.
He dreamed of someday soon when they'd be in each others' arms.
Her beauty left him breathless; she was so warm, so sweet...
She was kind to him, and generous -- she swept him off his feet!!!
So soon he did propose to her, and now we're gathered here.
So start the celebration -- they deserve a mighty cheer!!!
It's a joy they found each other; they were meant to be together!!
And now we toast their happiness -- Just like today, forever!!!
(So much for my boat!!)
Kris and Dave Fichou Wedding
(Presented by Su to Dave)
In honor of the happiness we celebrate today
I was told that it's my duty to prepare something to say
And I'm not usually much for speaking on occasions such as this,
But I've gotten up my courage and I'm toasting you, for Kris.
Now Kris' Mom and mine are lifelong friends, and Kris and I are too
We've had a lot of fun doing all the things that best friends do
And in all the time I've known her, Dave, she's made one thing quite clear:
She's never wanted anything as much as this guy here!
So now I get to toast you, for this friend I stand beside
And though you might not know it, you're many things to your new bride!
You're her real-life Prince Charming, her love extraordinaire!
Her Knight in Shining Armor who produces great software!
You're her mild-mannered hero who protects her in the dark!
You're her man-about-the-house in your new home in Menlo Park!
You are her worldly traveler who'll never just stand pat!
You're her handyman and also father-figure to the cats!
You're her modern-day-Adonis, a whirlwind of romance!
You're her studly partner, always fleet-of-foot in ballroom dance!
You're her most well-rounded guy, a Hercules with brains,
Who can dominate computers and yet still play with model trains!
You're all these things to her, and you're many others too,
And for all these things and more, it's clear just how much Kris loves you!
So now everyone raise your glasses and to the two of you we toast.
We wish you much love and lives filled with great happiness for you both!